On the weekend I put myself and my little sister in a terrifically dangerous situation and almost killed us both. She's perfectly fine, but I don't think I can ever forgive myself. You can't believe how angry I am that I let something like that happen to her, but mostly I'm just tired and sore and sad. There was one particular moment whilst I was trapped underwater in which I genuinely thought "this is it" for me, and I've been catching myself thinking that it should have been. But eh, anyway.