Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
×

:iconconcora: More from Concora


Featured in Collections

Treasured Literature by LadyLincoln

ENGLISH LANGUAGE by lombregrise

II by AyeAye12


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
January 19, 2014
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
415
Favourites
41 (who?)
Comments
43
×
The world unfurls:

becomes a gemstone, sinking
a mirror breaking
a thousand splintering realities

and I am lost —
forgotten who I ever was,

forgotten how to breathe.

On the weekend I put myself and my little sister in a terrifically dangerous situation and almost killed us both. She's perfectly fine, but I don't think I can ever forgive myself. You can't believe how angry I am that I let something like that happen to her, but mostly I'm just tired and sore and sad. There was one particular moment whilst I was trapped underwater in which I genuinely thought "this is it" for me, and I've been catching myself thinking that it should have been. But eh, anyway.

Add a Comment:
 
:iconhaphazardmelody:
haphazardmelody Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This poem is beautiful. Your imagery is always so captivating.

And I realize I'm really behind on seeing this, but I do hope you're trying to forgive yourself. We all make mistakes, and the important thing is to learn from them. Not to regret them. :heart: Easier said than done, of course, but worth striving for.
Reply
:iconcality:
cality Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I'm so glad you and your sister are OK, and I hope you will be able to forgive yourself at some point. Things happen, and the best thing is to learn from them. :heart:

Lovely poem, by the way. It's hard-hitting in a way that made me catch my breath. :hug:
Reply
:iconconcora:
Concora Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2014   Writer
Thank you, Steph. :heart:
Reply
:iconcality:
cality Featured By Owner Feb 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconpauper-circumstance:
Pauper-Circumstance Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014
Glad to hear that you and your sister are safe. We all learn from our mistakes, and you have learned a very valuable lesson.

This is a fantastic poem. :) Well done!
Reply
:iconconcora:
Concora Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2014   Writer
That's true. Thank you very much. :hug:
Reply
:iconpauper-circumstance:
Pauper-Circumstance Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2014
Most welcome!
Reply
:iconbelcanto2:
belcanto2 Featured By Owner Jan 30, 2014
Is poem related to accident in that this is how the speaker felt at the time?  Or afterwards? Important to my take on your piece, especially the ending.   Your title suggests being  'buried' under something in a heavy duty kind of way, and I'm reading it as meant to convey a double meaning?  Fresh and striking imagery. :) (Smile)  
Reply
:iconconcora:
Concora Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2014   Writer
This is more so about how the situation was at the time. Thank you for your complements and interest. :hug:
Reply
:iconbelcanto2:
belcanto2 Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2014
Sorry. My comment sounds rather cold now.:| (Blank Stare)  I'm sure it would be difficult to re-enter this piece to make any changes given the awful circumstances involved and how you feel about what happened.  I'm liking your work from what I've read, though. If a poem evokes interest in me I tend to interact; say what I'm feeling about its effectiveness.
Reply
:iconconcora:
Concora Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2014   Writer
Goodness, don't worry about it. I wouldn't post anything on here if I wasn't open to criticism; this piece is no different in that regard. Thank you again for taking the time to comment. :thanks:
Reply
:iconbelcanto2:
belcanto2 Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2014
Okay! Heart 
Reply
:iconcamelopardalisinblue:
camelopardalisinblue Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm so glad you're both okay! :huggle:

(And the poem is gorgeous.)
Reply
:iconconcora:
Concora Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2014   Writer
Thanks Dawni :heart:
Reply
:iconcamelopardalisinblue:
camelopardalisinblue Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
:heart:
Reply
:iconcelestialmemories:
CelestialMemories Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You have to forgive yourself and I am glad the two of you are okay. :star: 

This is a beautiful piece. :huggle:
Reply
:iconconcora:
Concora Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2014   Writer
Thank you. I'll try. :heart:
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2014  Student Writer
I'm glad to hear you're both okay, because that is the most important thing. :heart:
Reply
:iconconcora:
Concora Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2014   Writer
Thank you Helena :heart:

(Also it's really good to hear from you again. But that's my fault. I think I've had replies from you sitting in my inbox since, like, July. :noes: :no:)
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Jan 31, 2014  Student Writer
No worries, but we must fix that! It's good to hear from you as well. :heart::heart:
Reply
:iconithaswhatitisnt:
ithaswhatitisnt Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:tighthug: I'm glad you're both safe.  :heart::heart::heart:

I've had this feeling before, too.  You've summed it up perfectly, better than I ever could.  Well done. :heart:
Reply
:iconconcora:
Concora Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2014   Writer
Thank you so much. I'm sorry you've felt the same. :tighthug:
Reply
:iconthecheshercat:
TheChesherCat Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Wow... the poem was lovely, and the artist's comments added a whole new level. I hope you can heal from the shock it sounds like this has been. :heart:
Reply
:iconconcora:
Concora Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2014   Writer
That's very sweet of you, thank you. :hug:
Reply
:iconthecheshercat:
TheChesherCat Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
:tighthug:
Reply
:iconconcora:
Concora Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2014   Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconladylincoln:
LadyLincoln Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Sending my prayers and love to you and your sister.

I have returned to this poem many times, basking in its beauty and emotion. :heart:
Reply
:iconconcora:
Concora Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2014   Writer
You are too kind. Thank you :heart:
Reply
:iconladylincoln:
LadyLincoln Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome, honey. :heart:
Reply
:iconconcora:
Concora Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2014   Writer
:thanks: :tighthug:
Reply
:iconphotographic-pupils:
photographic-pupils Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014  Student Writer
Very nice poem! I can really feel the emotion in between the spaces, if you know what I mean; and the word choice is excellent. Reading it makes me feel as though I'm lost at sea. My only criticism, just a minor technicality and it's probably inconsequential, is that, in the second stanza, the lack of punctuation from line to line causes a bit of confusion since you don't indicate a pause even though you're transitioning from one image (the sinking gemstone) to the next (the mirror breaking). 
Reply
:iconconcora:
Concora Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2014   Writer
Thank you, for both your praise and the thoughtful critique. 

The second stanza is intentionally lacking in punctuation for that exact reason, but I will certainly consider some editing. :)
Reply
:icontales-of-tao:
Tales-of-Tao Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014  Student General Artist
The disjointed brevity of this piece, combined with your word choice, really makes the reader live it. Excellent job.
Reply
:iconconcora:
Concora Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2014   Writer
Thank you. :hug:
Reply
:icontales-of-tao:
Tales-of-Tao Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2014  Student General Artist
You're welcome. :la:
Reply
:iconconcora:
Concora Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2014   Writer
:heart:
Reply
:iconghostinafog:
ghostinafog Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014
great choice of words, succinct and intense. i know it can be hard to recover from a moment like that, but i hope you forgive yourself and don't let it haunt you.
Reply
:iconconcora:
Concora Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2014   Writer
Thank you for the wise words. I shall try. :)
Reply
:iconrlkirkland:
rlkirkland Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Powerful capture; learn what you must and let the rest go.
Reply
:iconconcora:
Concora Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2014   Writer
:hug:
Reply
:iconamrgalal7:
amrgalal7 Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I think you should forgive yourself, and never think about it now on, not because you don't care, but past actions happen for a reason, and living to regret them is surely not one of them. We learn from those lessons, that's it.

Your choice of words is amazing, you're splendid :)
Reply
:iconconcora:
Concora Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2014   Writer
Thanks Amr :) That is excellent advice, and I will certainly try. 
Reply
:iconamrgalal7:
amrgalal7 Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Always a pleasure :hug:
Reply
Add a Comment: